“The process of composing was, sometimes, working on music as flights of fancy... seeing where something leads,” he answers. “There was a growing pile of things that felt fun musically, that didn’t feel like they were going to turn into songs,” he pauses for a moment. “There’s only so many instrumental bits I can fit on a record without it feeling lazy. The goal is an album you can listen to, that’s not completely pretentious.” If not ‘completely’, exactly how pretentious should an album be? “There’s a percentage you aim for,” he replies. What is it? “It depends on how full of shit you are.”
The goal is an album you can listen to, that’s not completely pretentious.
The “truth” and “bullshit” dichotomy keep coming up during our conversation. Basically, truth is a moving target and bullshit is everywhere. He’s perfected the tortured genius persona. He can capitalize off of it or he can heal from it but nothing seems more painful to him than faking it. He was dismayed to find his mind wandering onstage during some recent shows. It felt to him as if almost going through the motions of performing. “What are we doing right now? What does the audience expect? Do I feel like it’s valid to me? Does it feel real? Does it feel like I’m putting on a costume, pretending I’m somebody I used to be? How much of it is nostalgia? How much of it feels relevant?” Voices telling him to be true to himself are healthier than the ones he was fighting in his head when he was younger but the process is still about confronting himself. It may be why his music, despite changing over time, is so effective as a soundtrack of catharsis. Apparently, he’s asked himself the right questions and is finally comfortable with his answers. “I’ve always tried to do what I thought was best for Nine Inch Nails, with integrity and truthfulness at the heart of it. I want to pursue excellence. And I want to articulate and express the things inside of me,” he explains. “I feel like I have something to say at this point in my life so I’m itching to put Nine Inch Nails’ new record on the front burner.” There’s a lovely late period NIN song, “Find My Way,” from 2013’s Hesitation Marks. It’s a slow boil of a song. Reznor has a mew instead of his typical growl. The piano tinkles. There’s the typical background noise but it feels more like a nice breeze than a looming storm. Lyrically, it’s sort of Reznor’s take on poet Robert Frost’s “two roads diverged in a yellow wood”: Well, my path has gone astray/I’m just trying to find my way/Wandered here from far away/I’m just trying to find my way/You were never meant to see/All those things inside of me/Now that you have gone away/I’m just trying to find my way. Earlier in his career, maybe this song was about escape. Escape from systems, or escape from himself. But after spending time with Reznor, I hear it in a new way. It doesn’t have to be about being lost. It can also be about discovery and about possibility. “You know, I’m a pretty cynical motherfucker,” he admits. “The glass can always be half full or half empty. Half empty is just a matter of perception. I would prefer not to feel that way.” @treznor