in a way.” After learning to handle the extraneous parts of the job, she also got more comfortable in her own skin. Once that happened, she immediately found talking about her life in interviews and writing about it less intimidating. “I know who I am and if people like it, they like it. If they don’t, that’s totally fine.” As for most of us, the frontwoman has had plenty of time to reflect on just who she is over the last couple of years, thanks to the pandemic taking the Manchester-born band off the road for the longest period since they signed with the label Dirty Hit in 2017. Hitting the pause button might not have been in Pale Waves’ plans back in 2020 but it turned out to be much needed for them. “I was at a breaking point right before the pandemic,” Heather recalls. “My mental health was so fragile. We’d had four years straight on tour, and I didn’t know what stability was or what waking up in the same place was like.” Having normality—or at least some facets of it—not only helped her feel more at home with herself but also made her realize the band’s mode of operation needed to change.
We said ‘yes’ to pretty much everything at the start. We were like: ‘we want to be successful, and this is the way to do it, so we’re gonna do pretty much everything.’ But I’ve gotten to an age where I can’t push myself like I used to. I need to be more fragile with myself because I really pushed my body to its ultimate limits, hence why I’ve gone sober.
These days, she has a new motto to live by: Strive to be the best you can, but don’t overshoot and make yourself sick. It’s just not worth it. In the past, Pale Waves going so hard commercially led to the singer feeling more like a product being pushed than a human being. It left her questioning her future in music. “I’ve battled with myself a few times [about that],” she says, a wry smile spreading across her face. “Do I run away and live a nice little life in the woods in a cabin? I’ve had moments of ‘this is too much for me.’ I’m happiest when I’m in nature and when I’m isolated but I’m happiest when I’m playing music too, so it’s a constant battle.” The cabin hasn’t become reality yet but both Heather and Ciara have upped sticks and left their native England behind. They now reside in LA. The former to be with her girlfriend, the latter to take comfort and find acceptance. Ciara came out as trans and non-binary in February 2021 and has been sharing their experiences with transitioning with fans online since. “Ciara loves it in LA,” Heather says fondly. “With their transition and their journey, they feel more accepted there, and there’s more of a community there. They’ll never move back [to the UK]. I can’t say that for myself, though. I haven’t really found a place that feels like home yet.” The last few years might have helped Pale Waves find peace in themselves, but Unwanted isn’t sunshine and rainbows. Instead, it tackles some ugly emotions: jealousy, vanity and rage among them. Typically, these aren’t feelings women are given the space to express in modern society; which is exactly why Heather filled the record with them.
There’s such a difference in how we perceive the genders. A woman gets angry and she’s ‘a bitch’; a man gets angry, and he’s ‘confident’… he ‘knows what he wants’…he’s ‘not afraid.’ A man gets jealous, and that’s attractive or ro-