in solidarity with victims about taking power back. The difference between him and his 90s alt rock peers is that their messages were about triumph and Reznor’s were about survival. For much of his young adulthood, Reznor struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. It fueled much of his music’s rage as he was as angry with himself as he was with the world. “When Nine Inch Nails revealed itself to me—back when I was in my early twenties—the fundamental part of it (whether I could see it or not) was to just try to be as truthful as I could with myself,” he explains. “I could write shit where I’m imitating. Or I could peel away the protection and the safety of storytelling and try to get right into it. Some people responded to the art direction, some people to the sound. But the people to whom it meant the most, could sense the truthfulness to it.” Nine Inch Nails’ third album The Downward Spiral was a stark statement of beauty. One that included Reznor’s most enduring lyric, from the song “Closer”: I want to fuck you like an animal. The album closed with “Hurt,” a quiet song that directly addressed Reznor’s heroin use. The vocals are almost whispered: The needle tears a hole/The old familiar sting/Try to kill it all away/But I remember everything. It’s an intense song, and one that’s taken a journey. Producer Rick Rubin brought it to Johnny Cash and encouraged him to record a spare cover. He did, and the resulting 2002 song, would come to serve as a farewell when Cash passed away a year later. What have I become?/My sweetest friend/Everyone I know goes away/In the end. When Reznor sings it, it’s a young man taking stock of mistakes; when Cash sings it, it’s an acceptance of death. Cash’s version, so much rawer for his failing health at recording, showed off the song’s strong bones. Even for those not interested in the sonic darkness of NIN, “Hurt” has since become a modern pop standard, covered regularly by artists of all kinds. David Bowie performed the song live; so did the British folkies, Mumford & Sons. Cash’s cover was named “Single of the Year” at the 2003 CMA Awards. Reznor got sober that same year. “The process of bottoming out for me was just one of complete surrender, of acknowledging that I needed help,” he said. “I just felt like I wasn’t swimming upstream anymore. It was a significant shift instantly.” Quitting drugs and alcohol is an enormous life change for anyone, but especially so for a musician whose work has often been propelled by it. Reznor worried he’d be drained of his songwriting power.
Initially, after I got clean, I thought maybe, maybe [I’d written] what I needed to write. And man, I hoped that I didn’t discover that because there’s no good outcome if that was the case. Either that part of my life is over or I just die. So, I waited a bit after I got clean, to dip my toe in, to see if—on top of this weird new life—I could still do other things that I used to be able to do. What if I wouldn’t have anything to say because it was all coming from chemicals or something. And that was a bunch of bullshit.
There’s a lot to learn, and I’m excited by it.
Instead, seeing his life through to the other side of addiction gave him an artistic weightlessness. He felt freer to compose more abstract music, something he’d previously found intimidating. “I got to a point where, ‘hey, if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work.’ Unexpectedly, I found it does work and I feel differently about it now because I’m not as afraid to fail.”