01_January 1978
grimace everytime the leader calls a tune you don't like. 14) Get a large cowbell and use it as loudly and frequently as possible - especially during ballads. 15) Constantly fool around with the tempo and when the leader looks around, POINT TO THE BASS PLAY- ER! 16) Pick out a soft ballad. Wait for the right moment, and drop in a few piercing rim shots.
K E E P
A L E R T ! 17) NEVER, relay requests from customers. What do they know anyway!! 18) Insist on playing a drum solo, but wait until the dance floor is full. Remember to play as loud as you can, and if people start to leave, K E E P IT UP! 19) Make a point of asking each band member how he puts up with working with a band like this. Take the piano player aside and tell him the sax man said he sounded like hell tonight. 20) Tell the leader, you don't care what the rest of the musicians say, you don't think he's such a bad guy. 21) Try to make out with the girl singer - especially if she's married to the leader. 22) Never allow any other drummers to sit in. If you do allow sit ins, loosen a few key nuts and bolts and keep a special pair of sticks that have been sawed half-way. Take all the other pairs with you. Don't forget to send him on his way with some little comment like "Gee, you used to play so good. What happened?" 23) On each and every break, MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE! Lose yourself in the crowd, take a walk, or hide in the men's room. Never go back with the rest of the band. Make 'em wait! 24) Drink
EVERY SINGLE DRINK bought for you. You can hold it. Everyone knows how much better it makes you play. 25) Save at least a couple of drinks to spill in the piano or on the music, and if you should happen to feel a bit sick, don't waste your act in the men's room. Save it for the bandstand. Although all or any of these 25 tips should do the trick, don't hesitate to add a few of your own. And maybe, just maybe, you won't get called again, which'll leave that much more work for poor guys like me.