FIRST-PERSON POV
GRIEF'S DAUGHTER
15 dimensions
When I was nine, there was a small grave behind our house that my mother often visited.
It was a mound of earth under a rambutan tree, beside pots of orchids and santan, near a cage of chickens that never stopped clucking. Sometimes, a fallen leaf or a drifting feather would land there, and Mama would brush it away gently, as if tending to a sleeping child.
She would sit there for hours, talking to the earth. Sometimes she sang lullabies. Most times she cried. I used to watch her from the window, unsure if I was seeing prayer or madness.
It started after she lost the baby she was carrying. Papa had just come home from Manila after almost eight years of working abroad. For a while, our house was filled with laughter, plans, and the small hope that things would finally feel whole.
However, things went wrong. Mama lost the child, and the silence that followed was heavier than before.
After that, she talked less, ate less, smiled less. She began disappearing for hours, sometimes returning drenched from the rain, sometimes with mud on her hands. Once, I woke up and saw her outside, digging the small grave she had made herself. I wanted to stop her, help her, but fear, or perhaps pity, kept me still.
As a child, I thought her grief was strange, even unfair. She still had us. I couldn't understand why she would love something she never held. At times, I felt jealous of the unborn child, jealous of how much of her heart it still owned.
Eventually, life moved on. Papa went back to Manila. Mama stopped visiting the grave. We stopped talking about it altogether, as if silence could bury what pain could not. Soon, we moved to Iloilo, and our old backyard was built over by a neighbor's house.