The HKL Time Vol 1 # 15

By Don Miguel Ruiz

Book Recommended by Gaganpreet Kaur Khela FRESNO, CALIFORNIA, USA

Our words have power. They can uplift or hurt, create connection or create separation. Ruiz invites us to use our words with greater awareness, not only in how we speak to others, but also in the way we speak to our selves.

For Ruiz, being “impeccable” with our words means using language with integrity and recognizing that words can have a lasting impact. Gossip, criticism, judgment, and words spoken in anger can create suffer ing, while words rooted in truth, kindness, and love can strength lenging because our natural tendency is to make other people’s behavior about us. Someone doesn’t respond to our message, and we wonder what we did wrong. Someone is angry, and we immediately assume we caused it. Someone criticizes us, and we allow their words to define how we see ourselves.

Ruiz suggests that each person experiences life through their own beliefs, fears, expectations, wounds, and perspectives. When someone reacts to us, they are responding through their own personal story.

en relationships and encourage others.

This does not mean that we should ignore harmful behavior

But Ruiz takes this idea inward too. The words we repeatedly tell ourselves can become beliefs about who we are. When we constantly tell ourselves, I am not good enough, I always or refuse to listen when someone gives us honest feedback. Rather, it means learning to separate what belongs to us from what belongs to another person.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four

Agreements is a simple yet fail, or I can’t change, we may eventually begin to live as though those statements are facts.

The agreement therefore asks us to become more conscious of We can listen without absorbing everything. We can accept constructive feedback without al lowing it to destroy our sense of worth. We can recognize someone’s anger without becoming deeply reflective book that in our inner dialogue. Before we angry ourselves.

vites us to examine the beliefs we carry, the stories we tell ourselves, and the patterns that shape the way we experience life. Inspired by ancient Toltec wisdom from Mexico, the book offers four agreements for livspeak, we can pause and ask:

When we stop taking every

Is what I am about to say true?

thing personally, we become

Is it necessary? Does it create less dependent on the approval connection or separation?

or disapproval of others. We create room to respond rather

Second Agreement: than react. ing with greater awareness. Don’tTakeAnything There is also a quiet humility in When practiced, these princithis agreement: not everything ples can help us let go of lim- Personally is about me.

We often interpret the actions iting beliefs, cultivate greater

And sometimes, that realization and words of others through inner peace, and move toward can be liberating.

the lens of our own experiencdeeper personal freedom and self-awareness.

es. Ruiz reminds us that what others say and do is often more Third Agreement:

The four agreements are:

First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word about their own world than ours.

Don’t Make

Learning not to take everything personally can create space for Assumptions compassion and inner peace.

How easily the mind creates

This agreement can be chalstories when we don’t have all

the answers. We assume what someone meant, what they are thinking, or how they feel—and then respond to an imagined reality. Ruiz encourages us to communicate, ask questions, and seek understanding rather than allowing assumptions to guide us.

We make assumptions constant ly. We see someone’s expression and assume they are upset with us. Someone doesn’t say hello, and we assume they don’t like us. We believe we know what another person wants or expects without actually asking them.

The problem is not simply that assumptions can be wrong. It is that we can begin to live according to them.

An assumption can become a story, and the story can become an emotional reality. We may feel hurt, angry, rejected, or disappointed by something that never actually happened.

Ruiz encourages us to replace assumptions with communication and clarity. Instead of deciding what another person thinks, we can ask. Instead of expecting someone to know what we need, we can express it. Instead of interpreting silence, we can seek understanding.

This agreement also applies to the assumptions we make about ourselves. We can assume that we aren’t capable, that we won’t be accepted, or that we can’t change, and these assumptions can quietly limit our lives.

The practice is simple, but not always easy: When I don’t know, can I be brave enough to admit that I don’t know? That question alone can transform the way we relate to others.