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THE TRUE STORY
Of My First Love
Written by Ryland James
& Connor Seidel
Three purple hearts hit me hard
Sitting on the couch in my parents’
house
Didn’t think I’d let somebody in
But you came to me without a single
doubt
Why is it that every situation I’m
Feeling things that I don’t recognize?
Didn’t think I’d let somebody call me
Their Sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you
‘Cause it scares me too
I know it’s only been four months
Blue hours in the summer time
Couples walking ‘round holding hands
Look away, pretend I’m doing just fine
Why is it that everything I read online
Makes me feel worse? No it don’t
apply
Didn’t think I’d need someone to call
me
Their sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here, Oh
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you, Oh
They say distance makes you grow
But every night alone
I just want you home
I just want you acting like a fool for me,
oh
Don’t make me the weak one here
Oh
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you
‘Cause it scares me too
Three purple hearts hit me hard
Sitting on the couch in my parents’
house
Didn’t think I’d let somebody in
But you came to me without a single
doubt
Why is it that every situation I’m
Feeling things that I don’t recognize?
Didn’t think I’d let somebody call me
Their Sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you
‘Cause it scares me too
I know it’s only been four months
Blue hours in the summer time
Couples walking ‘round holding hands
Look away, pretend I’m doing just fine
Why is it that everything I read online
Makes me feel worse? No it don’t
apply
Didn’t think I’d need someone to call
me
Their sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here, Oh
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you, Oh
They say distance makes you grow
But every night alone
I just want you home
I just want you acting like a fool for me,
oh
Don’t make me the weak one here
Oh
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that
it’s part of a bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have
scares you
‘Cause it scares me too
Three purple hearts hit me hard
Sitting on the couch in my parents’ house
Didn’t think I’d let somebody in
But you came to me without a single doubt
Why is it that every situation I’m
Feeling things that I don’t recognize?
Didn’t think I’d let somebody call me
Their Sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here
Show me that, that you won’t
Leave me as quickly as you found me
Tell me that, what we have scares you
I’d be lying if I wasn’t scared too
I’m begging you to prove to me that it’s part of a
bigger plan
Just tell me that, what we have scares you
‘Cause it scares me too
I know it’s only been four months
Blue hours in the summer time
Couples walking ‘round holding hands
Look away, pretend I’m doing just fine
Why is it that everything I read online
Makes me feel worse? No it don’t apply
Didn’t think I’d need someone to call me
Their sunflower
Don’t make me the weak one here, Oh
(Chorus)
They say distance makes you grow
But every night alone
I just want you home
I just want you acting like a fool for me, oh
Don’t make me the weak one here
Oh
(Chorus)
“3
Purple
Hearts”
was
written
in
November
of
2020,
a
few
months
after
my
boyfriend
Ryan
and
I
started
doing
long-distance
at
the
end
of
August.
The
two
of
us
had
been
inseparable
throughout
the
summer.
I’d
met
him
at
the
end
of
June
in
Toronto,
and
there
was
an
immediate
knowing
between
us
that
our
relationship
was
something
greater
than
ourselves
in
some
way.
It
felt
like
we’d
known
each
other
for
lifetimes.
The
world
just
felt
like
it
fell
into
place
around
us
wherever
we
went.
This
was
my
first
time
falling
in
love,
so
you
can
imagine
how
high
I
was
on
the
feeling
of
it
all.
There
was
joy,
and
euphoria,
alongside
fear
and
disbelief
at
the
idea
that
something
so
good
could
just
fall
into
my
lap
so
effortlessly.
All
these
unknowns
were
hitting
me
at
once.
One
moment
I’d
be
on
top
of
the
world
at
having
found
someone
that
understood
me
like
no
other,
but
then
the
next
I’d
be
crashing
into
doubt
and
worry
at
the
idea
that
it
could
all
somehow
slip
away
from
me
in
an
instant.
On
top
of
all
this,
I
was
still
hidden
from
the
world
in
terms
of
my
sexuality,
and
my
own
acceptance
of
myself
was
in
its
infancy
at
that
point.
I’d
just
been
through
a
hellish
year
or
so
in
terms
of
my
relationship
to
myself
and
to
the
structures
I’d
believed
were
true
my
whole
life.
I
was
good
at
hiding
the
internal
turmoil
from
people
in
public,
but
when
I
was
alone
the
despair
consumed
me.
My
mental
state
was
not
in
a
good
place
by
any
means.
I
was
relying
heavily
on
external
sources
to
fill
the
void
I
felt,
and
I
was
living
a
double
emotional
life.
One
side
was
high-functioning
and
pleasant
for
the
world
to
see,
but
the
other
would
crash
and
spiral
when
no
one
was
around
to
see..
It
was
exhausting,
and
I
thought
it
might
last
forever.
I
had
no
idea
how
to
handle
what
I
was
going
through,
and
the
people
closest
to
me
really
didn’t
either.
I
learned
a
lot
about
myself
in
that
time,
and
I
tapped
into
a
strength
that
can
only
come
from
facing
adversity
head-on
with
no
way
out.
Ryan
felt
like
a
saving
grace
at
the
end
of
the
tunnel.
He
felt
like
someone
I
could
count
on
in
a
way
I’d
never
really
experienced.
No
one
had
ever
shown
me
how
to
love
myself
for
who
I
really
was
before.
When
we
met
I
was
still
facing
the
repercussions
from
the
“mini
coming
outs”
I’d
been
having
with
closer
family
members
and
friends.
There
was
a
lot
of
acceptance,
but
there
was
just
as
much
push-back
and
misunderstanding.
I
come
from
a
very
conservative,
religious
background
so
it
was
expected,
but
it
didn’t
make
it
any
easier
to
deal
with
the
feelings
of
rejection."
A
couple
months
went
by,
and
I
wrote
a
lot
of
music.
Ryan
and
I
had
our
occasional
visits,
but
it
never
felt
like
it
was
quite
enough.
I
wanted
him
every
day.
I
wanted
what
we
had
in
the
summer.
I
went
for
a
writing
trip
to
Montreal
in
the
fall
and
worked
with
some
incredible
writers
and
producers,
but
the
last
day
of
the
trip
was
when
the
real
magic
happened.
I
drove
about
an
hour
outside
the
city
to
Connor
Seidel’s
treehouse
studio
in
the
hilly
ski
country
of
Quebec.
He
gave
me
a
tour
and
we
talked
and
had
coffee
as
one
usually
does
in
this
industry
when
first
meeting
to
write.
It’s
probably
my
favourite
part
of
any
session.
I
love
chatting
and
getting
to
know
other
creatives,
feeling
their
energy
and
deciding
on
what
direction
our
song
will
go
that
day.
We
sat
down
in
the
control
room
looking
out
over
the
trees,
and
Connor
asked
me
the
question
almost
everyone
asks
an
artist
in
session
“What
are
you
feeling
today?
Anything
on
your
mind
you
want
to
write
about?”
Of
course
I
started
spilling
my
guts
to
him.
I
told
him
the
story
of
my
summer
with
Ryan,
just
as
it
happened.
The
joy,
the
struggles,
the
larger
than
life
meaning
to
all
of
it.
He
listened
so
intently,
and
then
began
playing
one
of
the
prettiest
guitar
riffs
I’d
ever
heard.
He
said
“Let’s
write
the
song
just
like
that,
let’s
tell
the
story
in
your
words.”
So
that’s
what
we
did.
Line
by
line,
I
explained
the
images
and
scenarios
as
they
were
in
my
memory.
It
was
one
of
the
rare
times
the
lyrics
honestly
reflected
the
true
story
without
trying
too
hard
to
fit
in
rhymes
or
“cool,
modern”
references.
It
was
like
we
were
letting
the
universe
take
the
reins
and
guide
us
to
the
song
rather
than
the
other
way
‘round.
-
Ryland
"For the
first time in
my life, like
I could just
be without
thinking. I
felt like
there was
hope for a
fresh start"
I
drove
about
an
hour
outside
the
city
to
Connor
Seidel’s
treehouse
studio
in
the
hilly
ski
country
of
Quebec.
He
gave
me
a
tour
and
we
talked
and
had
coffee
as
one
usually
does
in
this
industry
when
first
meeting
to
write.
It’s
probably
my
favourite
part
of
any
session.
I
love
chatting
and
getting
to
know
other
creatives,
feeling
their
energy
and
deciding
on
what
direction
our
song
will
go
that
day.
We
sat
down
in
the
control
room
looking
out
over
the
trees,
and
Connor
asked
me
the
question
almost
everyone
asks
an
artist
in
session
“What
are
you
feeling
today?
Anything
on
your
mind
you
want
to
write
about?”
Of
course
I
started
spilling
my
guts
to
him.
I
told
him
the
story
of
my
summer
with
Ryan,
just
as
it
happened.
The
joy,
the
struggles,
the
larger
than
life
meaning
to
all
of
it.
He
listened
so
intently,
and
then
began
playing
one
of
the
prettiest
guitar
riffs
I’d
ever
heard.
He
said
“Let’s
write
the
song
just
like
that,
let’s
tell
the
story
in
your
words.”
So
that’s
what
we
did.
Line
by
line,
I
explained
the
images
and
scenarios
as
they
were
in
my
memory.
It
was
one
of
the
rare
times
the
lyrics
honestly
reflected
the
true
story
without
trying
too
hard
to
fit
in
rhymes
or
“cool,
modern”
references.
It
was
like
we
were
letting
the
universe
take
the
reins
and
guide
us
to
the
song
rather
than
the
other
way
‘round.
I
felt
free
with
Ryan
for
the
first
time
in
my
life,
like
I
could
just
be
without
thinking.
I
felt
like
there
was
hope
for
a
fresh
start,
that
maybe
there
was
an
escape
from
the
perpetual
darkness
I’d
faced
for
so
long.
I
drove
to
the
city
from
my
hometown
two
hours
away
every
chance
I
got
to
see
him.
I
imagined
what
our
life
would
be
like
in
the
coming
months,
even
years,
the
changing
seasons,
the
adventures
we’d
have
together,
all
by
each
other’s
sides.
It
was
the
definition
of
being
on
Cloud
9.
But
those
ideals
I
held
were
shattered
when
Ryan
told
me
he’d
need
to
move
home
with
his
family
in
Thunder
Bay
indefinitely
due
to
circumstances
the
pandemic
had
brought
on.
I
took
it
in
stride.
I
wasn’t
a
stranger
to
disappointment
or
my
internal
dialogue
having
to
be
altered,
but
the
sinking
feeling
didn’t
take
long
to
set
in.
I
tried
hard
to
distract
myself
from
the
painful
truth
that
we’d
be
apart
in
just
a
couple
weeks.
The
intensity
of
my
own
feelings
surprised
me.
I
never
considered
myself
a
jealous
or
overly
emotional
person,
but
all
of
my
rationality
seemed
to
go
out
the
window
when
love
was
involved.
I
cried
a
lot
the
day
he
left.
I
tried
to
prepare
myself
for
his
absence,
but
nothing
could
stop
the
tidal
wave
of
heartbreak
that
ensued.
For
the
first
time
in
my
life
I
understood
what
that
word
meant.
My
heart
literally
felt
like
it
was
forcibly
splitting
into
a
million
pieces,
like
it
could
just
tear
itself
from
my
chest
at
any
given
moment,
the
pressure
of
a
ton
of
bricks
sitting
on
my
ribcage.
So
that’s
what
we
did.
Line
by
line,
I
explained
the
images
and
scenarios
as
they
were
in
my
memory.
It
was
one
of
the
rare
times
the
lyrics
honestly
reflected
the
true
story
without
trying
too
hard
to
fit
in
rhymes
or
“cool,
modern”
references.
It
was
like
we
were
letting
the
universe
take
the
reins
and
guide
us
to
the
song
rather
than
the
other
way
around.
The
video
for
the
song
was
actually
recorded
at
the
end
of
our
long-distance
journey.
It
was
the
beautiful
conclusion
to
the
end
of
that
difficult
period
we’d
just
faced
together.
In
May
of
2021,
Ryan
and
I
finally
decided
to
move
in
together,
so
he
packed
his
things
and
I
made
a
road
trip
to
Thunder
Bay
to
bring
him
home.
We
filmed
everything
that
week.
I
wanted
to
create
a
video
for
the
song
that
reflected
our
relationship
in
the
purest
way
possible,
and
documenting
that
specific
trip
and
what
it
represented
was
the
perfect
way
to
do
that.
I’d
garnered
the
strength
to
come
out
to
the
world
just
a
few
months
prior,
so
it
was
our
first
time
presenting
ourselves
to
the
world
as
a
couple
visually,
solidifying
the
full
circle
“3
Purple
Hearts”
had
created
for
us.
I
drove
about
an
hour
outside
the
city
to
Connor
Seidel’s
treehouse
studio
in
the
hilly
ski
country
of
Quebec.
He
gave
me
a
tour
and
we
talked
and
had
coffee
as
one
usually
does
in
this
industry
when
first
meeting
to
write.
It’s
probably
my
favourite
part
of
any
session.
I
love
chatting
and
getting
to
know
other
creatives,
feeling
their
energy
and
deciding
on
what
direction
our
song
will
go
that
day.
We
sat
down
in
the
control
room
looking
out
over
the
trees,
and
Connor
asked
me
the
question
almost
everyone
asks
an
artist
in
session
“What
are
you
feeling
today?
Anything
on
your
mind
you
want
to
write
about?”
Of
course
I
started
spilling
my
guts
to
him.
I
told
him
the
story
of
my
summer
with
Ryan,
just
as
it
happened.
The
joy,
the
struggles,
the
larger
than
life
meaning
to
all
of
it.
He
listened
so
intently,
and
then
began
playing
one
of
the
prettiest
guitar
riffs
I’d
ever
heard.
He
said
“Let’s
write
the
song
just
like
that,
let’s
tell
the
story
in
your
words.”
"I
went
for
a
writing
trip
to
Montreal
in
the
fall
and
worked
with
some
incredible
writers
and
producers,
but
the
last
day
of
the
trip
was
when
the
real
magic
happened.
"
"To this day, it remains the
most special song and video
I’ve ever created. The journey
was intense and gruelling, but
the beauty that came from it is
extraordinary, and I wouldn’t
take it back for anything."
-
Ryland
www.rylandjamesmusic.com
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Ryland James - 3 Purple Hearts
Ryland James - 3 Purple Hearts
rylandjames
2 months ago
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